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That Bad Word: Procrastination

Procrastination…

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“Ugh!” *groans, kicks, grunts, throws stuff, huffs, puffs, blows bangs from face away*

Yeaaaah. It’s been one of those…well, here’s the most frustrating part–it’s been at least, two weeks now. It’s bad. *scowls at self* I don’t know what’s going on. In the last two weeks, I had been at two different occasions, sick. One pertaining (sorry boys) to that awful, earth-shattering, over-dramatized time of the month you never cease to wave your fist at ‘Eve’ about. Yeah. That put a damper on things. Then, three days ago, I woke up with a stiff neck. *Puerto Rican raised brow*

 

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I have suffered upper back pain issues since young, so my neck likes to surprise me on random mornings and STOP. WORKING. It takes a few days of being out of commission before it decides to rejoin my humanity. No consideration or respect that life goes on and I must go on with it. No time to just shut life down for a few days. Pfft! Who does ‘neck’ this he is? (yes, apparently my neck is a ‘he’, just go with it)

I’m sure, those two factors were part culprits to my pro-*gags*…procras-*gags*. Well, you know what.

It has been so hard to actually get anything done. I’m drowning in this to-do list that continues to grow. I freak out because I need to do this and that, and then get overwhelmed. Then I try and tell myself that I can afford some rest. But then I think,

“Well, if I’m going to rest, I should read because my TBR is stacked pretty high.”

But then I feel guilty doing either/or because one thing will suffer if I attempt working on the other, thus ending with me doing ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING! Which ergo, heightens the anxiety levels which further creates that bad, baaaaaad word titled above. Oh. My. God! What a vicious circle of self-deprecation!

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Except…I’m not really a big drinker, so *begins to weep* I do this instead…

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Which then adds more anxiety because I’m thinking,

“Now I need to go to the gymmmmm” *sobs between words and stuffed face ofΒ ice cream*

This…this is a sad, saaaad scene. I’m so sorry I have succumbed you to such a sight. I promise I’m not in the ‘Eve fist waving’ time of the month…hmm, or maybe I should lie and say I am, so at least I’d have an excuse for such behavior…Hmm?

Yeah, the book? Don’t ask me about that…DON’T ASK, I SAID! I plan to, in the hopefully very near future, to get back to that. I’m more than half way done writing this new draft. Ugh! There is just NOT enough hours in the day. I’m juggling here and know it can be done. There are women who are wives and parents and have their day time jobs, write books and blogs, I mean, DAYUM! If they can do it…I question their humanity at times but if they can, gosh darnit, then SO CAN I! Right? …

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Yeaaah. We’ll work on that. You know, the whole getting pumped and actually believing it thing. FYI: I think Emma Stone is one of my spirit animals. Though we look nothing alike, I’d have her play me in a movie based on my life. The younger, quirky, ‘special” me. Then, for the more put together ‘me’ that I’d hope to be…

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Rachel McAdams…Hmm, I see a subconscious trend here because, I too am a fake redhead. Anyway, back to the point!

Well really, this post went no where. I guess I just needed to vent and well, y’all were here and willing to ‘listen’. Thanks for that! I’m hoping this funk with life will shake off soon so I can get back to everything I need to be doing. It’s A LOT. But, if I schedule my life better and stick to that schedule, I’m sure I will feel as though I have some sort of organized control of my messy desk drawer momentary life.

Fast forward: One day later…

Thought about it. While tossing and turning in bed last night, I reached for my phone and starting jotting down notes. I made two ‘TO-DO’ lists. One is my “Daily Goals: To Do List” and the other my “Work: To Do List”. Today, I woke up earlier…*sighs* for one of the only reasons that’ll get my arse up early…to color my hair at the salon. SAD, I know! Don’t judge me with those judgey eyes. Anyway, feeling more productive today. Baby steps. Lists are your friends! They really do help you silence the insanity that surrounds you, giving you clarity and guidance. If anything positive out of this rant is possible, then let’s say it’s this: Lists. Done.

BOOM *drops mic*

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Moments like these, I do have a heart for the male species who deal with the ever entertaining cray of women. But hey, you’d be bored without us over-dramatizing your life here and there. *winks*Β 

End of ranting sound bite.

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Where’s my Ryan Gosling to talk me down from my cray? πŸ˜‰

 

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