My Characters Have Met: Performance Anxiety

Hello Lovely People!


Well I’m still on the mission to get a new laptop. I was told by a loved one to hold on selling Cadence (my beautiful blue guitar) till this week. I’m waiting but am needing to make a decision soon. Right now, the borrowed desktop I’m on is helping fill in the gaps for now. My fingers aren’t happy with the keyboard though. The keys are very elevated, needing a deeper click of each letter which is causing my carpel tunnel to act up again =/ (bummer) I feel my hands are slightly tied behind my back on many projects dealing both with work and personal work (my book) which is definitely testing my patience and pride. (ugh, darn character building seasons of our lives)

This Labor Day Weekend I took advantage to read and watch some movies. I am such a movie junkie, but ever since my new writing project, I have barely even touched television (which is a MIRACLE I am happily ok with. It was bad! I was addicted to television since my younger years) and movies have also taken a backseat. It was nice to have some girl time though this weekend; food, Raspberry Verdi, chocolate and a good comedy with one of my besties.

I started reading last week Let the Sky Fall by Shannon Messenger. Due to the beauty show, it took me a while to get started and into a flow. Finally, yesterday, after a crazy thunderstorm took out in one simultaneous lightning strike, the electricity in my room alone…ONLY. MY. ROOM. lost all electricity. The rest of the house? Fine. Let me tell you, when that thing attacked, right next to my window, which sits beside my bed, I jumped so high and shook violently with my heart thumping in my throat! Freaked the crap out of me. After that, I decided to head downstairs and read.


Hmm, I guess reading a book about a young girl who is an air element, needing to awaken unto a breakthrough a young man who also is an air element, training him through the creation of crazy wind storms and tornadoes was quite appropriate for the uneventful stormy Labor Day festivities.

So...the part I’m avoiding both in blog and writing.

I was writing Sunday. I’m on chapter 11 of my book! Chapter…ELEVEN! That’s pretty sweet. That puts me on the second row of index cards on my Book One Project board.

My two leading characters have officially met… *gulp* and…well…I have a sudden case of “Performance Anxiety”.

I’ve been kind of avoiding starting this new chapter. I’m not gonna lie, I’m kind of scared of screwing this up. I’m nervous about writing their interactions and inner dialogue. I want it to be just right. I want the idea I have in my head to be executed beautifully. This is where I either gotcha as readers, or I lose you…No pressure.

tumblr_inline_misjh8WGJq1qz4rgp No really…I’m fine…

Pfft! I can do this!


It’s honesty in Suzie’s corner time…who the heck is Suzie? I dont even know, but let’s do some honest opening up time here…great!

In the last two days, I’ve been laying in bed thinking about my book. Yesterday I went to hang out with my niece and nephew. I read to my niece the latest chapters I have.  While reading…now, maybe I was tired, cause I was or maybe I wasn’t reading at my best, making clear the grammatical pauses and emphasis needed… but I was reading and then thinking,

“Omylanta…this is crap! This could be written so much better!”

I kept my thoughts to myself. My niece liked it giving me a high five at the end. She laughed at the appropriate points of laughter and was worried about my character during an anxious scene, so I guess those are all good signs.

With my head on my pillow I started worrying. Hence even more so, the delay to start writing this important chapter, which begins the journey that, lets be real, is the reason people will be reading it…the journey between (insert his and her name here) 😉

I have started thinking, if I am in way over my head here. Did I really think I was qualified to do this? Why on earth did I?

I’m wondering if maybe it’s time to find and recruit some beta reading strangers to get unbiased feedback. That thought terrifies me as well, of course. Handing off to complete strangers over the internet your manuscript to dissect and judge and possibly crush your dreams.

I know, negativity but I’m freaking out a bit here; may I have a few minutes of it?


So there it is…my vulnerable confession of the week.

By the way, if any of you are writers who know and/or have gotten that far in the process, could you comment and help me out here:

I was wondering…when you are in the first draft process of your book, and you don’t yet have an agent…How and when do you move forward in presenting your manuscript? To an Agent, Copy Editor, ect…

Do you wait till your finished with at least a clean copy of your entire first draft or do you already present the beginning portion of your book to them (while having the planned out concept already, giving them vision of it?)

These are things I know I need to already start thinking about. Your advice and knowledge would be whole-heartedly appreciated.

Also, safe and genuine YA Beta readers? Where can I find them?

Well, I’m off to continue working. Thanks for letting me vent here. You all are wonderful. I’m so grateful to have followers! You all make me happy!

Happy Tuesday!


Happy Reading, Living, Loving!

<3, Des

2 thoughts on “My Characters Have Met: Performance Anxiety

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